short impressions of where i am now… in Belgrade, hometown:)

Belgrade goes on, as I see, the same old way: corruption treted as economic problem instead as social problem, so that we stay on the wrong path to fight it…

Democrats/moderates/the worst make coalitions with just anybody, and all parties are run by Miskovic, moneywise, meaning he brings decisions in political life. a taycoon.

There is some smal hope in small number of individuals operating to reveal the reality and bring the havenly nation back to ground. Although the nation is as high as Major Tom, like on strong acid or something, comeback to the land of shljivas is inevitable.

But acid is fine, as all other soft and hard drugs, since there is no bigger pleasure for the police to catch the dealers and deal them selves. One example of corruption, veryfied. The state doesn’t pay them enough, so they use their power to make some extra. That is such a burning problem, but nobody talks about it.

It has been cold during my absence from blog, now it is warmer. I will fix my things and write more seriously, continue my battle for valuing right ideas, ideologies, art, culture. I also work a lot, i announced i shot a feature, but i am still looking for a way to edit it. it is hard, but doable.

Here about 300 times at least i was called a muslim whore, a ustasha whole, albaninan whore… and i keep selfproducing at cost of not eating, so i get some media space. and there i say things nobody wants to hear. plus, for the exibition opening i was judged as unique. artisticly, as well as as a muslim/ustasha /albanian whore:) so the whore keeps being buisy, and manages to get through to some/many audience after all.  and then the bitch says that art production left inonly hands of the state, if the state is serbia, means dead end. I call uopn production of culture and art, of behievior and communication, of progressive political stream, to all those concerned. and ther are some answers.

I wish to say that this coutry has no way to go, but one, or sit still. it is sitting still, but not for much longer. there are peole like me, who are able to escape generational traps and have small choice of alies, and that is what we are thought here: generation sticking together. NO!  People who have common goals of all ages operating on all fronts, brings results. I think my film that i just shot “The State” and Novi radio Beograd (New radio Belgrade) whera I also have my show, are examples. So messages keep being written, said, passed on. Radio is in Serbian, butin case somebody would want to check it out, it is Internet radion and url is http://www.noviradiobeograd.com ?i know i gave this before, but just in case/.

This place caled Serbia is not serious at all, officialy. If you need serious opinions, avoid officials. Look deeper. Ansd i know you do. Thank you.

Photos still not ready.

small piece of my recent work

Sorry for repeating one photo twice, no electricity, unknown computers, worms and viruses…

I hope to post another photo here of the same work while i was doing it.

next coming up: exhibited collages and photos.

one more detail

This one piece I took photos of while working. Sarah, did take some too. But now I have 30 of them hanging in the gallery, people asking to purchase art but do not do so, and about 30 photos exhibited in the same gallery, other room or part of it. Collages have different motives, like several series of visions… I think that once I have decent photos of my recent (one year) work on those pieces, I will post them. Because my readers are my best audience. I am only sorry I cannot show them in real sizes, actually directly, for they are three dimensional in a way… I do such stuff.

If this one, not pictured ready, you do not like, you might like one of the rest.

Thanks for support to all who support me, and you know who you are.

I know I am back. I cannot write too often for electricity reasons, I just spent almost 30 minutes at friend’s computer, and it is becoming rude.

I do feel fine, I have a film to finish, another to send to festivals… I eat art and feel ok. I am moving, things are moving, doen or up, movement matters, i wish to move faster, faster then my surrounding, but not alone, i want to drag it forwards with me. big ambition, small chances, nice challange.

format... guess... midle size, let's say

Trying to put some photos of my work in progress, just one piece of it, got me frustrated, since i uploaded 4 photos 3 times and only one came out in the previous post…

i owe you a lot more, photos of work done and exhibited, but there is time, they prolonged my exibition for another week, till 12th of February.detail

detail

one detailseams like over but in processoops, another whole like unready piece of my collage…a detail of it

announcing my comeback

what can I say? i hve sinned, barely by being absent for so long, not to mention other things, thoughts, life strams:)

I wish to announce that i haver made my big exibition of collages and photos, with an opening containing film projection and poetry reading… but for very little audienceIeven though the galery is prestigious.

Only 2 of my radio coleegues came…

some press…

the exibition, in opinion of all, including the ones who ssaw it on days after the opening/and most of them sms-ed or emailed or even called me, is as most of them put it “high class art”. So i understood, Belgrade just doesn”t deserve it, but is lucky to have it.

i worked on it for a year. yess, i also shot a feature fiction film and postproduced a short one, but it was constant work. and i also worked with children without parent care, but it was a full year. i promisse to make photos of my exibited collages and photos, and post them. That way, it will travel to my readers, in mini mini formats, some day in real size…

I used my media presence to say that art would be so poor if we artists waited for funds to support us, especialy in Serbia where we have only state funds… imagine Serbia deciding ultimately upon art production and you get desaster. so i claimed: no excuses not to produce, self produce. It is upon us to create competition to the mediocre state produced art. it is upon us to create a market for art, so that it is not only payed for, but also pays it self and makes money for more art production… a lot of work for a small number of people. I have burned out many times over it, but i always come back. and i am coming back again.

my absence in blogging hasn’t take away my sharp eye for life arround me. So I shell write about that again. I am back. Not fully ready, that I never am. Bur back.

I appologize i will start with the next post, about my work, most recent. Then I will take it from there.

I thank all of you who have been supporting me all this time. I have no electricity anymore, but I have my film shot, exibition done, children fed selfconfidence and this blog. Some day, i will maybe get to live on my work:) I am a happy person!

info

sorry i cannot write these days,

New Stigma

Here I will just translate the concept of my radio show, and announce the next topic for next sunday, December 14th at 22h (local time)

Stigma: the frightful VS the acceptable

As values of personal freedoms are systematically being globalized, we are reaching out for a parallel process, more and more rigid, of setting boundaries between the acceptable and the frightful. The two parallel and opposed processes are not in human nature, but somebody or something is setting trends and putting up boundaries with a purpose. Calling certain topic a banality is mainly our self protection from getting upset by it. The way I look at the World stigmatizes me as a queer, misfit, toxic, hideous shameless character who allows her self a luxury to chose banal topics/maybe some will even be divine/, to publicly speak out her mind and chose music. Hopefully i will get to have guests and other opinions. At the end, boundaries will become vague, uncatchable.

next topic: Adultery

Why is adultery so deeply thought through in art and philosophy? Mentioned today, it meets disapproval, judgement. Being lived, it squats hidden or brings shame. Which one of the two closely related concepts have changed more throughout history, love or marriage? Since the adultery has always been defined by relating to those two concepts…

In my radio shows, which ever topic i chose, I aim to reveal how fragile moral is. I do live in Serbia, which obliges me to always look into my topics also taking place in an aggressor post war and patriarchal society.

adultary?

to look at Stigma’s page, you can go to:

http://www.noviradiobeograd.com/kategorija/Stigma/

From there you can chose option Home/Pocetna/ and then option Slusajte uzivo, to listen to the radio live. Eventhough program is in our silly language, I invite you  at least for the good music on sunday in Stigma:)

I welcome your comments on my topic for the radio show. I already gave an abstract, but if I think of more specific questions, i will post them.

only patriotic sweat counts

a must share!

well, i know that my recent posts haven’t been like they used to, and sure there are “no excuses” (one of my favorite songs by one of my favorite bands). I am glad to have established some contacts through this blog and each of them i value highly. More highly than one would think, since here where i live i encounter isolation at each step i make, all for political opinion i share with only a small number of people, and not all the time.

a piece of belgrade

At one of the political meetings that I attend, we had a discussion about mobilizing what we call “civil society” to react upon one in a series of stupid laws that was about to pass in the Parliament (without any public discussion or any publicity – Government just kind of smuggles illiterate laws contradictory to Constitution into the Parliament – and it’s a done deal). We were gathered in Center for cultural decontamination, as usually we are for the big meetings. After hours of developing strategies how to mobilize “civil society”, one friend of mine and a journalist stood up and said: “What civil society are we talking about? Weather you like it or not, it is us here, always same faces, same people, about 100 of us, just enough to fill in this place, when it happens so that we all do come. We are that civil society, that public among citizens that will mobilize itsef. The rest just don’t give a dam what happens. We are talking about civil initiative and action to make public pressure on institutions – who apart from us here has ever done it in Serbia? Well, that’s what I mean. So let’s organize our selves, instead of talking about some imaginary group of individuals. Organized in NGOs or not, it is us here, the “civil society” of Serbia”.

100 people from a city of 1.5 million

He was right, 100 people in the whole country. Even them i see more rarely since i stepped out from the Women in black group. And surely for many more reasons i value blog contacts.

I don’t know weather my 100 local political allies will react on the small piece of news that i read yesterday in newspapers. But is is something i must share: there is an issue about sportsmen in Serbia. It goes: should they be submitted to a patriotic test, before it is decided, on the State level, weather they deserve a national pension or not. So, the loyal Serbs, i guess, do, and less loyal or less patriotic, do not deserve it. Not to mention the sportsmen and sportswomen who might be of different nationalities, but Serbian citizens!
Not everybody’s efforts can ensure a future. The sweat and agonizing training, goals, points, matches and tournaments won, years dedicated to sport while wearing national dress and internationally representing Serbia doesn’t count, unless one is a Serbian nationalist.

i have no photoes of sportsmen on me at the moment, but i got this tube!

I was in a shock. Just a tiny text in Blic daily. About potential destinies of once upon a time role models of many children and young people, idols of adults identifying them selves with the success of the sportsmen.

Can you imagine? All a sportsman does is nothing, if he doesn’t go to Church, deny genocide, worship Serbia and its heavenly nation, rejects the fact of Kosova independance! I was not in a shock, i was mad, furious! I am not Serbian, i refuse to be one by nationality, because of things like this one! I am a citizen of this shit hole of a state, but i officially claimed, at the official registration of population, that i have no nationality. Because only in Serbia, nationality doesn’t mean citizenship at the first place, which allows you to have different nationality, free choice in confession, practice of your culture… If you are a Serb, you have to be orthodox automatically, too! And I am not!

I want sportsmen of different political opinions and different nationalities, who live and work as Serbian citizens, to hold same rights! I want all people who live and work or not work here, but have citizenship, to have same rights. I don’t want privileges for Serbs by nationality over other Serbian citizens! I don’t want them for my self. I am bad enough as I am, I don’t need that layer of dirt on me, dirt of being privileged Serbian for national feelings, safely isolated from reality, semiconsciously taking others for lower humans…

I will have to inquire a little more on this. If there’s more to it, like public reacion, or State decision, I will share. In the meantime, i will hope that it remains just another dead end idea, and after all impossible fantasm of the Serb nationalists/who are so easily heard and have access to media with just any stupid thoght they find logical, practical and alternative/self sustainable use of social resources!

measure

I am actually worried about this piece of article, because the initiative comes from a brain that has already not accepted isolation of Serbia, but actually eraised the whole wide world, reducing it to the soil under “shljiva”/plum. My mistake is that I haven’t payed attention to who launched this idea… i will look for the initiator. Sport is a field for free blossoming of national feelings, but this particular idea is not a song of the masses on stadium, it is somebody’s latest single.

untitled

There is strong wind in Belgrade. It rained for a couple of days too. To me, sounds of rain and wind are promissing, like the outside will be all clean and washed and ready for a new start.

Then I walk out and meet again same streets and buildings and people, and I know: all layers of Belgrade life have stayed. Even though it smells fresh with rain, my idea of a new start is as lasting as my own reflection in the puddle of watter in front of my gate… even if i stood above the puddle, it would dry out in two hours again. And I don’t stand, i rush by.  No reflection, no new start thoughts. Same old battlefield. And I always rush.

I am writing from home. It got late. Wind tempts me to go out. How can I see my city with different eyes? I do things like that, run out when everybody rushes in/when it’s hailing, for example. And I asked my self why, and I just told you: I really want to see my city differently…

I love my city. I made a film about it, “Memoria”. I know my city and live in it taking the best it’s got, also trying to bring out the best I can. But that is also a layer that stays after every wind or rain. My perspective stays, like all other posible points of view… but I only really know my own. Ain’t that a curse?

In 2 days i will have my radio show Stigma. I chose a topic “Mom knows what’s best/for her daughter to think”. It is a classic feminst topic, i do laugh at my self. I know I will do some reding in my late radio show:) I remain open to suggestions.

my friend and actress in her mom's atelier, last night, while it was raining

It’s still blowing.