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Archive for December, 2008

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sorry i cannot write these days,

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Here I will just translate the concept of my radio show, and announce the next topic for next sunday, December 14th at 22h (local time)

Stigma: the frightful VS the acceptable

As values of personal freedoms are systematically being globalized, we are reaching out for a parallel process, more and more rigid, of setting boundaries between the acceptable and the frightful. The two parallel and opposed processes are not in human nature, but somebody or something is setting trends and putting up boundaries with a purpose. Calling certain topic a banality is mainly our self protection from getting upset by it. The way I look at the World stigmatizes me as a queer, misfit, toxic, hideous shameless character who allows her self a luxury to chose banal topics/maybe some will even be divine/, to publicly speak out her mind and chose music. Hopefully i will get to have guests and other opinions. At the end, boundaries will become vague, uncatchable.

next topic: Adultery

Why is adultery so deeply thought through in art and philosophy? Mentioned today, it meets disapproval, judgement. Being lived, it squats hidden or brings shame. Which one of the two closely related concepts have changed more throughout history, love or marriage? Since the adultery has always been defined by relating to those two concepts…

In my radio shows, which ever topic i chose, I aim to reveal how fragile moral is. I do live in Serbia, which obliges me to always look into my topics also taking place in an aggressor post war and patriarchal society.

adultary?

adultary?

to look at Stigma’s page, you can go to:

http://www.noviradiobeograd.com/kategorija/Stigma/

From there you can chose option Home/Pocetna/ and then option Slusajte uzivo, to listen to the radio live. Eventhough program is in our silly language, I invite you  at least for the good music on sunday in Stigma:)

I welcome your comments on my topic for the radio show. I already gave an abstract, but if I think of more specific questions, i will post them.

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only patriotic sweat counts

a must share!

well, i know that my recent posts haven’t been like they used to, and sure there are “no excuses” (one of my favorite songs by one of my favorite bands). I am glad to have established some contacts through this blog and each of them i value highly. More highly than one would think, since here where i live i encounter isolation at each step i make, all for political opinion i share with only a small number of people, and not all the time.

a piece of belgrade

a piece of belgrade

At one of the political meetings that I attend, we had a discussion about mobilizing what we call “civil society” to react upon one in a series of stupid laws that was about to pass in the Parliament (without any public discussion or any publicity – Government just kind of smuggles illiterate laws contradictory to Constitution into the Parliament – and it’s a done deal). We were gathered in Center for cultural decontamination, as usually we are for the big meetings. After hours of developing strategies how to mobilize “civil society”, one friend of mine and a journalist stood up and said: “What civil society are we talking about? Weather you like it or not, it is us here, always same faces, same people, about 100 of us, just enough to fill in this place, when it happens so that we all do come. We are that civil society, that public among citizens that will mobilize itsef. The rest just don’t give a dam what happens. We are talking about civil initiative and action to make public pressure on institutions – who apart from us here has ever done it in Serbia? Well, that’s what I mean. So let’s organize our selves, instead of talking about some imaginary group of individuals. Organized in NGOs or not, it is us here, the “civil society” of Serbia”.

100 people from a city of 1.5 million

100 people from a city of 1.5 million

He was right, 100 people in the whole country. Even them i see more rarely since i stepped out from the Women in black group. And surely for many more reasons i value blog contacts.

I don’t know weather my 100 local political allies will react on the small piece of news that i read yesterday in newspapers. But is is something i must share: there is an issue about sportsmen in Serbia. It goes: should they be submitted to a patriotic test, before it is decided, on the State level, weather they deserve a national pension or not. So, the loyal Serbs, i guess, do, and less loyal or less patriotic, do not deserve it. Not to mention the sportsmen and sportswomen who might be of different nationalities, but Serbian citizens!
Not everybody’s efforts can ensure a future. The sweat and agonizing training, goals, points, matches and tournaments won, years dedicated to sport while wearing national dress and internationally representing Serbia doesn’t count, unless one is a Serbian nationalist.

i have no photoes of sportsmen on me at the moment, but i got this tube!

i have no photoes of sportsmen on me at the moment, but i got this tube!

I was in a shock. Just a tiny text in Blic daily. About potential destinies of once upon a time role models of many children and young people, idols of adults identifying them selves with the success of the sportsmen.

Can you imagine? All a sportsman does is nothing, if he doesn’t go to Church, deny genocide, worship Serbia and its heavenly nation, rejects the fact of Kosova independance! I was not in a shock, i was mad, furious! I am not Serbian, i refuse to be one by nationality, because of things like this one! I am a citizen of this shit hole of a state, but i officially claimed, at the official registration of population, that i have no nationality. Because only in Serbia, nationality doesn’t mean citizenship at the first place, which allows you to have different nationality, free choice in confession, practice of your culture… If you are a Serb, you have to be orthodox automatically, too! And I am not!

I want sportsmen of different political opinions and different nationalities, who live and work as Serbian citizens, to hold same rights! I want all people who live and work or not work here, but have citizenship, to have same rights. I don’t want privileges for Serbs by nationality over other Serbian citizens! I don’t want them for my self. I am bad enough as I am, I don’t need that layer of dirt on me, dirt of being privileged Serbian for national feelings, safely isolated from reality, semiconsciously taking others for lower humans…

I will have to inquire a little more on this. If there’s more to it, like public reacion, or State decision, I will share. In the meantime, i will hope that it remains just another dead end idea, and after all impossible fantasm of the Serb nationalists/who are so easily heard and have access to media with just any stupid thoght they find logical, practical and alternative/self sustainable use of social resources!

measure

measure

I am actually worried about this piece of article, because the initiative comes from a brain that has already not accepted isolation of Serbia, but actually eraised the whole wide world, reducing it to the soil under “shljiva”/plum. My mistake is that I haven’t payed attention to who launched this idea… i will look for the initiator. Sport is a field for free blossoming of national feelings, but this particular idea is not a song of the masses on stadium, it is somebody’s latest single.

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untitled

There is strong wind in Belgrade. It rained for a couple of days too. To me, sounds of rain and wind are promissing, like the outside will be all clean and washed and ready for a new start.

Then I walk out and meet again same streets and buildings and people, and I know: all layers of Belgrade life have stayed. Even though it smells fresh with rain, my idea of a new start is as lasting as my own reflection in the puddle of watter in front of my gate… even if i stood above the puddle, it would dry out in two hours again. And I don’t stand, i rush by.  No reflection, no new start thoughts. Same old battlefield. And I always rush.

I am writing from home. It got late. Wind tempts me to go out. How can I see my city with different eyes? I do things like that, run out when everybody rushes in/when it’s hailing, for example. And I asked my self why, and I just told you: I really want to see my city differently…

I love my city. I made a film about it, “Memoria”. I know my city and live in it taking the best it’s got, also trying to bring out the best I can. But that is also a layer that stays after every wind or rain. My perspective stays, like all other posible points of view… but I only really know my own. Ain’t that a curse?

In 2 days i will have my radio show Stigma. I chose a topic “Mom knows what’s best/for her daughter to think”. It is a classic feminst topic, i do laugh at my self. I know I will do some reding in my late radio show:) I remain open to suggestions.

my friend and actress in her mom's atelier, last night, while it was raining

my friend and actress in her mom's atelier, last night, while it was raining

It’s still blowing.

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no art for the poor

This is Serbia – expensive country, where we are lucky not to die of starvation. Sure it is possible to look beyond, and i make my efforts to do so. So i can say, i live a life of the priviledged: that for me means that even poor, i consume art, create it in any media i find access to, work with orphans to, among other things, teach them how to look beyond poverty.

Because poverty prevents us from any creation, any intervention on our poor society. Or it does so in almost all ways. That way, poverty becomes the tool to keep things the way they are. Not the only tool, but the one i want to talk about right now.

When people from developed countries imagine a person from and in a poor country (i wouldn’t say developing, that term is so cynical!), it is usualy an image of a person dressed in tasteless clothes ran over by decades, doing some kind of ordinary job that is somehow dirty: it is either a phisical job, or some other that takes place in an office that might fall appart any second, etc. examples/stereopypes are more then just one, depending on which poor country the person from the rich one thinks of. depending on the continent, too. Surely nobody would think of an artist in process of creating an astonishing piece of art. Artists from poor countries, as an image, belong to the past, in heads of the rich from thr rich countries. for those rich, times of art in poverty has long gone. oh how wrong!

I decided to wright this short post, because not only that i am creating art in a poor country and teaching orphan children how to do the same, but i also tryed to address many institutions from the rich country to give a modest logistic contirbution to my childrens’ creations and my efforts to get them done: I asked to use a computer to postproduce their work!

Now, I raised a credit to buy a HDV camera, and i trust children to use it. Other professional equipment too. Because project we work on rejected idea to rent or by a cheepest mini DV camera for them. But credit covered only things i was allowed to purchase, and computer was not one of them.

I am stuck now with tones of childrens’ materials, and they are still filming. Officially, project ends today. I work on volunterely, withou my minimum wage. No problem. But I wish to know if there exists any institution or organization that would borow or donate a computer for childrens# films and other forms. I was rejected at about 10 places, taht didn’t even bother pointing me to some other direction. “fuck off, survive if you can, leave art to the rich”, i felt i was told.

So, before I get apermission to show childrens’ work, i have to bring them to the end. I was so sure it would go smoothly… but that is where i got stuck.

We can always play raw material, but invite the institutions who rejected us without thinking of how to help us, where to point us, and lock the door, and make them watch 20 hours or more of all children shot!

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