Do hang on a little longer, i tell myself every morning. i have too. it has been way too hard on me and my crew to make this film. i honestly meant to make it in shorter time. what made it last so long is access to certain locations – we just had to delay many things many times, to get to film at certain places. then, also, time that some people could dedicate to working with us / some had their own priorities that would pump up after i would have already planed shooting of a certain scene with that person… guerilla, as i said. we jump to operate, but we jump back immediately if everything and everybody are not on the needed positions! that is so time consuming! and also consuming my nerves:) but one more, two more steps to go! one more, two more steps to go!
usually, making a film means detaching from the real world with a group of people for a while, and living in creation of one fiction world. that fiction becomes reality for the crew. that is the reason why film crews often feel like families, new born, extended families. same group of people spending way too much time together, having no time for other things… sharing everything, good things and success, as well as bad news, hardships, waiting hours… i have experienced this many times. i also know that people working in film sometimes have problems to cope with their most intimate surroundings in private lives – one coleegue has told me that he comes home from the set, feeling alian to his wife and children, missing the set and the crew, thinking about that parallel, fiction world as the real life, and not knowing how to act in the real real life. and i could understand him. at the moment, we were working on the same film project. but his words got me thinking. and i made my decision: i will never allow myself such detachment from reality again! because, reality moves me to create. reality is what i react on, or what interacts with me. no matter how dedicated to my own film i am, no matter how little time i have to breath, eat, talk to other people but the crew, rest, sleep or hear the news, i still have to do it all! because this fiction, or other reality i am living in while creating it, has to communicate with the real reality. i want to predict as much of that communication as possible, because i am a thinking human being, not a cliche of an artist in his/her own world, in clouds, or something. But artist that knows what she is aiming for.
in a way, all the hardships i and my small crew met in making this film, helped me remain aware of reality. with any budget bigger then ours, reality would be less visible. more money, less reality, when it comes to living through a process of making a film. and i am doing my school time with each film i make. yess, the crew is some kind of a family, we breath and create together. still, that doesn’t erase all the reasons to desire that very creation – that message and its messengers have to keep in mind the address of delivery! so, my next post should be about that address and how i was percepting it while making this film, that still has one more step, two more steps of filming. and i will hang on as long as it takes!