Vacation I did take, still i was working while it lasted. Besides some travelling, my working hours have been the same, only in a nicer landscape…
It has to do with my memory/knowledge of all the battles… named after rivers. It also has to do with sights of dead bodies flowing down Drina river. That I saw. The rest I asked about, trusting that I would learn more from media of conversation then from TV. So I got to be doomed. Still, I wouldn’t chose for silence if I was taken back in time. I always ask people, I learned to mistrust TV.
The time I was away/from my blog/was filled with pain and worries. Before I left, I wrote a text but I couldn’t bring myself to post it, not my personal sorrow for those who suffer the war. I finally got news from my friends in Georgia…
“M…. and I and a lot of friends are in Yerevan. We
left Tbilisi this morning. It was so hard to leave. We’ll be observing
further developments from here. I feel paralysed. I’m so worried about
people who are still there, especially in Tskhinvali. All these people
displaced again, and bitter. There won’t be any hope for peace in
people’s hearts now for at least 2 more generations I’m afraid.”
“…as I told you i couldn’t stop thinking about Georgia, and you and all your efforts. also, i felt, or i was burning with guilt actually, because i remember clearly that I said “something is cooking up, this country is getting ready for war, people”. and you knew what I meant, even our translator didn’t know… I saw people adjusting their eyes to the sight of big military trucks filled with soldiers. once that becomes normal and not noticeable, the war has entered through the back door. and when you add Russia to that situation, oh my! it is an explosion, and it gets too late to give peace point of view in bitter times of conflict…
so, the guilt made me think and think…
… I hate russian government! I hate putin and medvedev! and that doesn’t make me a lover of georgian government, which i hate too! will I forever be on the side that everybody claims is impossible:)))?” – was a part of my response.
I am back. Yes, I got a couple of silly threats, I even got just purely hate mails:) some women wrote to me about my physical ugliness. I erased such comments, I found mercy for those who mistake my blog for “face of the year” contest, and my self-portraits an attempt to look nice, instead of a place to read some thoughts and reflections, and some images that express ideas, emotions, something in the air. It would only humiliate the writers of those comments, if I actually post their clumsy notes.
My first real text is coming tomorrow, as I have work to do, starting my film shoot in some days (guerilla in culture and film making), starting a lot more then that. In work to come, I find a lot of inspiration for my blog. I hope to make a decent comeback. And I do not fear. Those are words. And words I read.
This piece is 1×1,70m large, or so. It is called “floating in the stardust”. I chose the photo out of focus, I will replace it some day:)